


Grilled Cheese

by Camelabrakedabra



Series: Unfavourable Love [6]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Babysitter AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-04-30 06:29:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14490867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Camelabrakedabra/pseuds/Camelabrakedabra
Summary: Chan didn't need a babysitter, thank you very much. He was eighteen years old and he'd only set the kitchen on fire once and besides, Jihoon was only twenty-one - hardly the "mature adult" he apparently needed.





	1. Baby

Chan didn't need a damn babysitter. It didn't take an expert to know that, and he knew right away that he shouldn't have to fight his parents for the right to _not_ have one around.

He'd only set the kitchen on fire once before his parents decided to overreact. It wasn't even as if it was a big fire or anything, either. His American friend had told him that he and his sister made something called "grilled cheese", in which they would put their toaster on the side to make the cheese melt on the bread as they both cooked together. So he'd been curious about it. He'd gone out to get a toaster from a nearby American kitchenware store, and then found a grocery store that sold thickly-sliced bread and whole blocks of cheese so that he could make the dish. He was a bit concerned that he wasn't doing it properly to start with, since it seemed way too easy, but that was what his friend told him to do so he was going to do it. The toaster was flipped onto its side, the cheese and bread went inside of it, and then he switched it on as he went to use the bathroom.

Of course, it was probably the biggest mistake that he'd ever made in his entire life. By the time he got back to the kitchen, the toaster was in flames and the top half of the room was filling with black smoke. It was a surprise that the fire alarm hadn't set off already, he decided, since there was definitely enough to set it off under any other conditions. He somehow managed to put it out and got rid of the burnt toast before trying his very best to fix up the kitchen. There were burn marks here and there, and the room definitely smelled heavily of smoke. The stench of it clung to everything, from the wood surfaces to the curtain that covered the back door's window. In the end, he was forced to hand clean any fabric furnishings and try his best to spray it with anti-odour spray, and then he promptly spent the rest of the afternoon trying to bleach the kitchen sides down. The last thing he really needed was for his parents to walk in and realise what happened, and it was something that he wasn't going to risk being punished over.

And so, he moved up to his room around twenty minutes before they were due to arrive home from work. He couldn't bring himself to be in the main room at that point in time and besides, they would have probably caught on to the fact that there was something wrong and would find out quicker that way. He figured that at least if he was doing something that he usually did at that point in time - such as, watching films or playing on Overwatch - everything would be perfectly fine. He switched on his laptop, put in his headphones, and got to it.

But as to be expected, it took approximately 0.3 seconds for his mother to catch the scent of burning, and then Chan promptly heard her stomping towards his room before throwing the door open. Even over his headphones, he could hear her making her way to his room, and that was a pretty terrifying sound. "Lee Chan," she said. Her tone showed that she wasn't prepared to play around and if she caught him lying about what had happened, she was going to beat his ass so hard that he would be walking with a limp for weeks. "What happened downstairs whilst I was at work?"  
"Oh, I..." He trailed off for a moment, trying to decide whether the payoff made it worth it anyway. There was no saying that she would _definitely_ find out what happened, unless she looked inside the toaster. Then he glanced up to see her face. That was what confirmed his answer within a second flat, and so he swallowed before adjusting himself to sit up properly. "I'm sorry, I bought this toaster the other day and I didn't check the settings on it, and it ended up setting on fire. I think it was on too high and then with it being old too, it just didn't work out too well. I'm considering getting rid of it tomorrow because it's really badly burnt now."

Okay, so he lied a bit. But the problem was, he wouldn't ever be able to live it down if he admitted what he was really trying to do. Either his parents would end up being really angry at him - _and_ his friend, who would never be allowed to visit their house again - or they would end up finding it hilarious and would tease him for it forever. He didn't know which one was worse, if he was being honest, so he had to make that little bit up. Of course, she still wasn't happy, but at least she didn't shout as she stared at him in disappointment. "What have we told you about irresponsible cooking whilst we're at work? How many _times_ have we had to tell you about making a mess, breaking things, damaging things, and other things that an adult simply wouldn't do?" she asked, trying her best to emphasise to him that it had happened more times than necessary.  
"I've never set anything on fire before, though," he pointed out as dryly as he could manage.  
"But you have ended up damaging the kitchen. Remember when you damaged the kitchen sides by not using a chopping board? And how you shattered the lid of my favourite pan by moving it straight from the pan to cold running water? And when you dropped tomato sauce everywhere and we were still finding traces of it months later?"

For a moment, he couldn't say anything in response. He might not have set the kitchen on fire before - that much was the truth - but he _might_ have been a little bit irresponsible in the kitchen in general. Sometimes he was messy, and sometimes he made pretty huge mistakes. He wasn't really the best chef and it meant that he was just having to try to get by each day without absolutely destroying the entire kitchen in the process. It was a tough job, but at least he'd sort of succeeded up until that point, right?

His parents didn't exactly agree with that, to be perfectly honest. It was clear that his mother was disappointed in the fact that he'd finally set it on fire this time, and so it was something that he was certainly never going to hear the last of, whether they found out about it being a failed attempt at making grilled cheese or not. He should have simply run away before they got back home, he decided; that way, they would be more concerned about getting him home safe than worrying about the mess that he'd made in the kitchen. If it ever happened again, he would have to do that instead.

"I think this is the final straw, Chan," his mother told him as she started to make her way further into the room. "You know what we've been talking about for the past few months and I think your father will probably agree with me on it. We're probably going to have to get you a babysitter after this." Chan instantly felt his blood run cold. He'd completely forgotten about their suggestion, having initially thought that it was a joke to tease him over the fact that he couldn't cook without causing some sort of damage. He didn't really have any reason to have a babysitter at this point in time either. It was just another joke that was going to go too far, and completely needlessly, might he add. He was irresponsible, but they could at least tell him to just refrain from cooking anything that wasn't pot noodles whilst they were out of the house. He was sure that he would be able to live on them perfectly fine; after all, there were so many different flavours that he was hardly going to get bored of them.

The main issue was the fact that he was already eighteen years old. It was hardly like he _needed_ someone to babysit him, and frankly he knew exactly where it was going to start heading at this rate, before his parents had even decided on who would look after him. It would end up being one of his great aunts, probably. They weren't the sort of old people who were kind to the younger generations, and they smelled badly of mothballs too. It was just a pain in the ass, and honestly he would give anything to avoid having them look after him. The biggest issue with that, too, was the fact that they would almost certainly end up staying for dinner or something, which would mean that he would be forced to spend more time with them than he wanted to. It was a lose-lose situation for him, at the end of the day, and it wasn't something that an adult wanted to have to handle.

He ended up spending most of the night trying to think of excuses to get out of it. Whilst his parents would ultimately be making the decision, they were still often kind enough to get his input on a lot of family matters, and so he would probably be able to get out of it if he came up with a good enough excuse to do so. Yet, coming up with something proved to be a lot more difficult than he initially anticipated. It was something that was necessary and potentially sufficient for maintaining his freedom, but he didn't even know what he could say until he knew exactly where they were planning to go with this babysitter. Would they pick him up from school and embarrass him in front of his friends? Would they be there when he got home, or would he be banned from cooking until they arrived there? Would they expect him to spend time with them directly, or would he be allowed to go to his room to study instead? There were so many different aspects that were going to affect his ability to counteract their argument for getting someone to look after him every evening, and it just meant that he would have to be on top of his game when they started to present their arguments. Having an idea come up in several hours simply wasn't going to work in this situation.

And so he waited.

It was ultimately something that took around two and a half days for them to decide. It was the weekend, unfortunately, so he didn't have the opportunity to prove himself worthy or anything in that time. In fact, he was left in an awkward position in which he didn't really know how to act around them either; after all, they were essentially deciding his fate but leaving him out of the discussion, and that meant that there was the slightest hint of awkwardness around the place during those few days. Eventually, though, they called him down from his room so that they could discuss the situation as a family, and so he dragged himself out of his room to sit with them. It was a difficult discussion to motivate himself for, since it wasn't exactly the happiest one of his life when he knew full well that his parents weren't going to simply allow him to be in the house on his own with a slap on the wrist to punish him for actually setting the house on fire this time. He sat as maturely on the chair opposite to them as possible, making sure to keep his knees together and his back as straight as possible, in hopes that it would make him look a little bit more of an adult than being casual would.

They looked at each other before resting their gaze on their son. Chan didn't really know who to look at when they weren't talking; they both looked equally disappointed in his behaviour still, now that it had been brought to the surface again, and so looking at either one would simply make him feel worse about himself. He swallowed and let his head drop towards the floor as he waited for someone to talk. It was a sign that he was submissive to them, and that he didn't intend on being too childish about the situation that he was inevitably stuck in.

"We've finally picked out a suitable babysitter out for you," his father announced quietly. Chan's heart sunk down even further into his stomach, and he immediately felt sick. So it probably _wasn't_ going to change, then. They'd made up their minds and that was his fate. There was no way of getting out of it. There was probably nothing that he could say or do to make them drop it now. In fact, they had probably already contacted the person to confirm that they were okay with being his babysitter, which meant that they were on board with it and he was ultimately trapped as a result. Damn it.

"Can we not just talk about it and figure out something else instead?" he asked hopefully. There was the tiniest little bit of hope left in his body, although it was slowly starting to edge its way towards the door. Even that part of him knew that it was a mistake to start asking questions because he would inevitably end up sad and disappointed as a result.  
"We've already contacted him and we think you might like him," his mother added with a slight smile. It was as if she was trying to smile properly, but it was something that she was genuinely struggling with. She probably worried that he was going to get really upset about it still, Chan figured. But still--  
"He? Who are we talking about? Is it someone I know?"  
"Actually, he's a boy who lives down the road. We think that he might end up being a really good friend to you as well as a babysitter, and so perhaps you'll have something to do with your time, other than play Overwatch with strangers online."

He felt attacked. He honestly felt attacked. He could feel his skin starting to prickle with humiliation as his mother spoke. Not only did she think that he was going to be best of friends with the babysitter who he didn't even want to be around in the first place, but she _also_ had to point out implicitly that they were about the same age. That was what she meant when she called someone a "boy", rather than a "man".  
"How old is he exactly?" Chan asked, making it as clear as possible that he really wasn't happy with the decision to pick this individual.  
"He's twenty-one."

Great. Fantastic. Exactly what he needed to hear. A boy who was three years older than him was his babysitter. Granted, it wouldn't be that big of a deal if, for example, he was twelve and his babysitter was fifteen. There was a huge maturity gap between those ages, and it meant that the babysitter would still have a level of authority. No, this was comparable to if a thirty-year-old was babysitting for someone in their mid-twenties. It was humiliating enough for an adult to be assigned a babysitter by their parents, but it hit a completely new level when they were getting him someone who was barely older than him. As bad as it was, he would have probably preferred one of the weird aunts because at least then, it wouldn't feel like he was being patronised.

"I don't think I like the sound of this arrangement," he told them, trying his hardest to seem as formal as possible as not to look as if he was disrespecting their decision. He watched as his father's eyebrow raised slightly, daring him to continue with the reasons why it was a bad decision to make, and so he quickly bowed his head down in apology. "What I mean is that he's probably in university and I'm studying too, and so I wouldn't want to be that annoying kid who distracts him." It was something that he made up on the spot and it sounded ridiculous. Thankfully, though, his parents fell for the bait; their expressions softened and suddenly they were trying to comfort him. It's fine, they said; Jihoon was actually on top of his studies and had his coursework done well in advance, so he didn't need to worry about bothering him or anything. Besides, they weren't going to make him physically watch Chan at all times; he wasn't going to be punished if he needed to do his university work whilst he was there, so long as Chan didn't make a mess of the kitchen under his watch.

Admittedly, Chan was still unsure. Whilst he was glad to know that the babysitter wasn't expected to be staring at him the entire time, it still wasn't a situation that he wanted to be in. He still wasn't fond of the proposal to have this guy - Jihoon - around, and he didn't like the fact that he was expected to simply accept it without being bothered by it. He wasn't fond in the slightest and there was nothing that his parents could do or say to make him feel better about what they were planning on putting him through.

Obviously, they still tried to make it better. They offered to give Chan his babysitter's phone number so that they would be able to get chatting and learn a bit about each other before they first met. They offered to invite him to dinner the following evening so that they would be able to get to know each other a little bit better too, and at least that way when he officially started on Tuesday evening, there wouldn't be any awkwardness between them. They even offered to get photos of him so that Chan knew exactly what he looked like. He was a cute boy, they told him; the son of one of his mother's colleagues. Generally polite and level-headed, good at looking after himself and other people, respectable and very intelligent. He liked to sing and dance; he was studying performing arts in hopes of becoming a songwriter in the future. He was particularly good at it, his mother said, and he had a few songs prepared for whenever he could get a contract. It was a matter of time for him, but he had a great future ahead of him.

It sounded a bit like she was comparing them. Jihoon was very proactive and was getting what he wanted in life. Chan, on the other hand, wasn't really getting anywhere and he'd ended up messing up so badly that his parents felt as if he needed to have Jihoon in his life. It was almost as if they chose him in hopes that it would encourage him to grow up and get responsible, although they would never admit that to his face. Chan supposed that it was something he'd have to internalise for later, so that he could dwell in his bitter thoughts and develop a hatred for this perfect Jihoon who his parents obviously wanted him to become. 

He actively did that. He spent his night thinking of all of the things that were probably wrong with Jihoon. He was probably the sort of guy who would give in to peer pressure easily; the sort of guy who rejected beautiful girls because his studies were more important than a relationship. Those thoughts stayed with him, forming the preconception of Jihoon's acne-covered face, and his lanky body and buck teeth before he'd even seen him in person.


	2. Teenage

Chan never did see the photo of Jihoon.

He didn't really want to bother himself with the image of the boy who would be out to ruin his life.

He'd already anticipated from every conversation he'd heard that the guy was going to be a tough one. Apparently, he was very strict with all of the kids he worked with, and would hardly ever flake when it came to set bedtimes and rules that required they not eat snacks after a certain hour. He was particularly good at that, Chan's mother told him, so she had complete faith that he would be able to stop Chan from destroying the house whilst they were out. Of course, that meant that he was probably going to be uncomfortably strict with Chan too, though. He would probably be banned from making himself cereal or something, or perhaps Jihoon would just ban him from going into the kitchen altogether. There was no saying until they met, but Chan didn't really want to meet him in the first place so he tried to drag out his time without Jihoon as much as physically possible so that he could avoid that fate.

And then the date of their first meeting came and Chan close enough to shit bricks. His parents had ensured that he was dressed and ready before Jihoon arrived. They were planning on taking them both out for dinner, rather than eating at their house, so that Chan would more likely associate the experience with that of taking friends out for an evening instead. As much as he didn't really care what Jihoon thought of him - and actually, he would have much preferred to have come across as a slob so that Jihoon would dislike him and they would be able to keep out of each other's way - he found himself checking his appearance over and over again once he was ready, until he finally heard a knock on the door and instantly shot up.

He near enough sprinted to the door to get it so that he would be able to get the first glance of his new babysitter. He wanted nothing more than to snatch up the opportunity and put himself in a position of authority, just so that Jihoon would know that he wasn't there to deal with any funny business. He wasn't going to accept being walked all over, and he certainly wasn't going to accept being treated like a child. As a result, Chan wasn't prepared to simply hide behind his parents like a fearful toddler until they made that first move to introduce them, and so he flung open the door with a self-assured aura radiating from his body.

And then he realised that something was wrong.

The guy at the door couldn't possibly be his babysitter. He looked around fourteen at the absolute oldest, and he was painfully short. Around five foot three inches, Chan would guess. He had the softest babyface, and although he tried to dress relatively formally, it looked like how a child would be dressed up by their parent to go to church. Chan glanced around behind him, figuring that it was some sort of joke and his actual babysitter had brought over his younger brother or something, but when he didn't see anyone else he naturally let his eyes settle on the boy in front of him again. "Chan?" the boy asked, looking relatively confused by the fact that Chan was looking over him so much. His voice was surprisingly mature in comparison to his body, but Chan still wasn't all that sure about him. Perhaps if he could call for his mother to ID check the boy...

"Is there a problem?" the boy asked again, "Am I allowed to come in or do I have to just stand here on the doorstep for the rest of the night?" Chan couldn't tell whether it was supposed to be a joke or not. He guessed that it was probably some attempt at humour, seeing as a new person would hardly have the guts to talk down to a stranger like that if it _was_ an attempt to be impolite, but he didn't laugh in response. The boy didn't laugh either. He didn't even break into a smile.  
"Mom," Chan called into the house. He didn't really know what else to do; he could hardly let a complete stranger into the place without knowing if he was the right person. Perhaps if he looked a bit more like a university student, he would be able to let him in without question, but he wasn't going to risk it with this guy.

And so his mother pottered over from the back of the house, only to see the boy stood in the door. Her expression instantly softened as she flashed a warm smile in his direction, and then quickly turned back towards her son. "Why haven't you invited him in yet? You answered the door ages ago; it's too cold for you to stand there with the door open, just staring at him like that. Jihoon, please come in." Chan felt his heart instantly rise into his throat. He didn't really know how to respond, and so he simply moved to the side to allow Jihoon to enter the house. Jihoon quickly toed off his shoes and made his way over to Chan's mother, who hugged him tightly and then offered him a glass of water before they left the house again. He rejected the offer, but made sure to thank her.

Chan could hardly say that he was impressed with the sudden change in attitude. From dry to friendly in three seconds flat, completely dependent on who he was talking to. Perhaps he'd caught on to the fact that Chan had been looking for someone who seemed to fit the image better but still, that didn't warrant him being so firm with him right from the start. Chan felt painfully uncomfortable as he followed them into the house and perched on a stool in the kitchen as they started to discuss various different things. How was Jihoon's course going? Did he manage to get the top grades on that one assignment that he'd been slaving over for months? Did he talk to that one girl on his course who he liked? When Chan's mother brought the last comment up, Chan could see Jihoon's features instantly darken with the embarrassed beginnings of a blush. He denied having a crush on any girl on his course and claimed that his mother had been telling everyone that he did, just because he'd invited her to study with him at one point. He didn't really like girls - or guys for that matter - and thought that they would get in the way of his education. He didn't really want to be in that position when he had plenty of time for relationships once he'd finished his degree.

As much as Chan hated to admit it, he did start to get into the conversation a bit. Jihoon had brought up a song that he'd started to make at university; one that he'd completely composed. Not only had he worked out the piano scoring for it, but also the guitar, cello and flute for the background. He didn't really know how to work in different clefs beforehand, so it was a bit of a difficult task, but then he'd managed to make something that sounded pretty decent by the end of it. Of course, it still needed some tweaks, but it was something that he was genuinely proud of having made. He played it out loud to Chan and his parents, and Chan had to admit that it actually sounded pretty cool. "Did you have to do that for one of your assignments or something then?" Chan asked curiously once the piece had finished, "Because that's a lot of work and I think it's a bit excessive for someone who is studying and isn't actually a professional." There was a moment of hesitation as Jihoon tried to figure out how to put his thoughts into words. His nose scrunched slightly, and then he simply settled on shaking his head.  
"Not _quite_. I'm doing it for my education, if that makes sense, but not for an assignment. More like my application for my master's degree. I wanted to prove that I wasn't going to be that guy who gets a pre-made backing piece or uses just a keyboard for my work, and so we have this acoustic piece that I've made with everything mapped out perfectly. I've changed it so many times but it still needs work, I think."

Perhaps his work ethic was more admirable than Chan had originally anticipated. He was actually pretty glad to find out that Jihoon wasn't quite as bad as he thought and honestly, he couldn't help but want to know more about him and his degree. Why did he choose it? What did he want to do in the future? Did he enjoy music as much now as he did when he first started his degree? What sort of company did he want to work with in the future? Would it be one of the big entertainment groups who usually dealt with idols and models, or would he go to a more independent, small company with few members of staff who would be able to better support his specific aims in life?

His questions continued to flow until his mother insisted that they head out. They didn't want to hit the evening rush at the bibimbap house that they'd decided to get dinner from, and so they needed to leave right away in order to get a spot. Of course, Chan agreed with her idea and they all ended up heading out to the car, but he immediately felt his head starting to swim with more thoughts and questions. He was suddenly interested like he'd never been before; it was a strange sensation, seeing as he'd been so against Jihoon's presence, but he was actually coming to find that he was a relatively nice person. There was still no saying what he would be like as a babysitter just yet, so Chan still kept his reservations about, but he had to admit that he wasn't quite as uncomfortable with the thought of him being around as he had been just hours beforehand. Perhaps they _would_ be able to work as friends or something, he guessed. Whilst obviously not all of their conversations would be able to centre around Chan's education, it was a good foundation for the rest of their relationship, in which they would probably need to know each other pretty well to make things flow better.

Strangely, it wasn't a hugely different story when they were finally alone together the following day. Although Chan had spent that time with him over dinner and had figured out that he was a generally level-headed - but still a no-shit - sort of guy, he was still rather worried that they would get to be alone and suddenly he would drop all of the niceness. Perhaps it was just in front of his parents or something, he figured; after all, they had this impression that Jihoon was the perfect student and the perfect young gentleman; it would be a bit awkward for him if he met their son and started acting like a third parent to him when he was still an adult, regardless of whether his parents were getting him a babysitter. As a result, he'd prepared himself for the very worst when Jihoon came over the following day, although once he was sat, it became apparent that he was still completely fine around Chan.

He'd definitely been too hasty over Jihoon's presence to start with. It had been a defence mechanism, though, in which he didn't really want to be treated as if he was inferior by his parents, and so he'd been concerned that having someone to take care of him would be putting him in that position. Jihoon wasn't exactly like a regular babysitter, though. He sat on the floor next to the sofa with his university work spread out, and Chan sat on the sofa with a handheld console, playing in complete silence. They hardly communicated with each other to start with, since Chan didn't really want to disturb his babysitter's work, but then eventually he couldn't stand the building hunger anymore and had to say something. "Jihoon, could I get something to eat please?" he asked quietly, feeling rather awkward about the exchange right away. His babysitter's eyes snapped up towards him as he tried to process the information that he'd heard, and then he eventually gave a nod.  
"What do you want to eat?"  
"I was thinking that I could maybe eat a sandwich or something."  
"What sort are you in the mood for?"  
"Maybe ham?"  
"Wait here."

So there it was. Chan had mixed feelings about it. He knew that he could make a sandwich without destroying the kitchen, but Jihoon hopped straight up and made his way out of the room. He wanted nothing more than to follow the babysitter and tell him that he could make his own sandwich, but then he couldn't really bring himself to do so. It was awkward and uncomfortable, and the last thing he wanted was to be rejected for something so simple. He could just imagine it - "Your parents said no cooking at all and that includes sandwiches." It sounded ridiculous, and he didn't really know how Jihoon would be able to justify taking it that far already.

But then he came back with a sandwich that was packed to the brim and Chan instantly felt his heart go into his throat. "I know you'd probably go for something basic, but your parents asked me to make sure that you're getting sufficient nutrition. I hope this is okay." Chan couldn't even fault it. He decided to take a peek, and he determined in an instant that it was the most perfect sandwich he'd ever seen in his life. The bread was buttered exactly right with no awkward clumps of butter. Jihoon had used packet ham, but it wasn't the cheap, wafer-thin stuff that Chan would have gone for first. It was the good-quality breaded stuff that his parents usually ate because he found the packaging awkward to remove. He'd added washed lettuce leaves - not too many - and some cucumber. There were even a few bamboo shoots in there too, which had been left in the fridge after dinner on Sunday night and forgotten since. It was arranged perfectly too so that the meat was in the middle of the other fillings, rather than on the outside, and it was finished off with the mustard that Chan would have usually put on a ham sandwich anyway.

"How did you even come up with this?" he asked as he stared in disbelief at the babysitter.  
"I just asked your parents for a list of things that you love and hate, and I worked from there. Now, eat it up. You don't want the vegetables to leave the bread soggy." Chan made sure to thank the babysitter as he started to eat the sandwich, quickly finding that he loved what had been done with it. It was absolutely amazing, even more than he'd imagined it would be. With every bite, he could feel his hunger trickling away, and he couldn't even begin to describe the relief that it brought to him.

It was a strange sort of starting point. Chan had been certain that it would've been a one-off and was fully prepared for the disappointment that would arise after a week or so, at which point it would be revealed that Jihoon was trying to make a good impression on him but once that first impression was solidified, he would simply drop all of the good things that he was doing. Making healthy food? Gone. Spending time chatting with Chan? Gone. Putting away his university work after a maximum of two hours so that they could play games together and bond? Gone.

He'd been anticipating it right from the start, just waiting for the day that it happened. With each passing day, he would feel the anxiety of the anticipation building. A week later, and it hadn't occurred. A _month_ later, and it hadn't happened either.

Chan didn't know how to feel. Part of him had really wanted Jihoon to disappoint him so that he would be able to justify his earlier feelings towards the babysitter - even if he was feeling better about him now, he still didn't want to seem as if his earlier thoughts were based solely on his disapproval of the fact that he was getting a babysitter in the first place. Another part wanted to test just how far he could push him before the babysitter finally cracked. But that disappointment never came. Several months passed and he was still very much on top of his work. If Chan asked for anything, Jihoon would drop everything that he was doing and would cater to his needs. It didn't matter whether he was in the middle of reading or working on an assignment, or even if he was working on his exam revision. The moment that Chan said he needed something, he would get it almost immediately.

It meant that he couldn't help but admire Jihoon. In his position, Chan would probably end up getting visibly frustrated. There was nothing worse than someone getting in the way of someone else's work whenever they got to the point where they were in the swing of it, and he completely understood that. He was sure that he deserved to be scolded or hit or something for the sheer number of times he tried to disturb his babysitter - sometimes for unavoidable reasons but sometimes for the sake of it - but Jihoon didn't even bat an eyelid.

"Why don't you tell me to go and sort my own stuff out?" Chan eventually asked one day after he'd asked Jihoon for help four times in succession. He knew at the time that Jihoon had a huge project that was due in just a few days, but he'd been really curious to see whether he would continue helping out.  
"Because I'm the adult in this situation and if you ask for anything, I'm supposed to help you out with it."  
"But I asked you to do my homework for me. It's not even just the cooking nowadays."  
"I don't believe that homework is useful for your cognitive development. When I finish my classes, I continue to learn because my degree is elective. I could work on assignments on my free days. When you finish class, though, it's like making your parents continue to do their jobs at home. It's non-elective and it's not beneficial, especially when you're trying to revise for exams at the same time. But you'll be punished if it's not done."

Chan stared in complete silence. There was nothing he could really think to say. Jihoon seemed to have the answers to every single question he would ever want to ask, and he was absolutely unapologetic about it. He felt his throat getting tight as he watched Jihoon's gaze returning to the work in front of him, and he immediately decided to back off for a while in order to allow him to do what he had to do.

As much as he'd gone into this situation expecting that he would hate Jihoon more than anything in the world, he found himself admiring his senior to a degree that he'd never really considered beforehand. He knew that Jihoon was someone to continue looking up to from that point onwards, too, and that by giving him a chance, he would probably end up developing a relatively strong friendship with him too. 

Damn it, Chan liked him a _lot_.


	3. Adult

It would have been great to have Jihoon around if Chan wasn't at the age at which he was really getting into boys.

It wasn't something that he thought would really cause an issue. Jihoon was an adult who was about to get an adult job, and Chan was essentially a child in an adult's body. He wasn't allowed to do the basics for himself. He couldn't make his own food, and his parents were hesitant to let him out of the house on his own. Any other boy of his age would be able to do that sort of thing, but he wasn't given that opportunity. The added bonus was that Jihoon, who was only supposed to be in his third year of university, had somehow managed to cram two years of work into the first year of his degree. It meant that he was graduating a year earlier than he was supposed to, and it simply emphasised the maturity gap between them both.

Yet, Chan had some weird expectation in his stupid head that Jihoon would find him attractive in return. He was hyper-sensitive to every single point of contact. They could make eye contact and he would be anticipating Jihoon kissing him. Their hands would brush and he would interpret it as flirting. They would be sat close to each other and Chan would have to fight the urge to cuddle against him. A little piece of his mind was sure that one day Jihoon would turn to him and confess that he had romantic feelings towards him, but that day never came.

As a result, it was increasingly hard to be around him. Jihoon would offer to help him revise, and Chan immediately felt his heart beating faster in his chest when they were in close range. Jihoon would take the pen from his hand and use it to scrawl notes on the page to help him remember certain points. Instead of moving the paper towards himself, though, he would lean closer to Chan so that he could see it from his perspective, which made things even worse. It made it so that Chan would be able to see everything that was going on from his own perspective, apparently, which would ultimately mean that he would be able to take the information in better. It was how Jihoon revised when he was struggling in high school, and so he was certain that it would make it easier for Chan too.

Technically, he was half correct. Chan was convinced that it was primarily down to the fact that he was being helped like that, but he could hardly tell his babysitter that. So he decided to accept Jihoon's ideas as truth. If that's what he wanted to believe and it turned out that the revision technique was working, then he would pretend that that was the case. 

Then his exams eventually came and went. It was a period in which he was painfully stressed. It was something that he'd never experienced before, and Chan ended up having a series of breakdowns in the process. Whilst he'd had a number of exams in the past, there was nothing to prepare him for the sudden bump up to more heavy-on exams, with higher grade weighting and a greater number in total. It just came to be too much. Each time, though, Jihoon was there to ground him. "Just remember that your exam results don't define you as a person. If you don't do well in these ones, you still have university to come," he would remind Chan each time he would end up in an emotional state. It was always successful in making things easier to cope with, as it served as a reminder that he had someone there to support him as bad as things got.

In the end, it didn't turn out to be as bad as Chan expected. He did well overall and managed to get some of the top grades in the class. His parents were incredibly proud of his success, and they were even happier to know that Jihoon had helped him out. Not only with getting the grades, but helping him to mature as a person. He'd helped him in ways that were past ensuring that he wasn't going to set fire to the kitchen when he made grilled cheese, and he had essentially become the person who served as an older brother and best friend figure. They were able to discuss anything and everything together, and that was something that Chan's parents really liked to see. The best part? Jihoon performed just as well on his own exams, which was suggesting to his parents that there was mutual benefit in having him around. It was great, as far as they were concerned; both boys had gained a lot from being able to spend time together.

And then the next year, everything was due to change. Chan was due to start university, Jihoon was due to get an adult job. There was no need for a babysitter anymore and besides, it was hardly like Jihoon was going to be able to continue taking care of him anyway. Not only because Chan would be moving into his university dorms, but also because he wouldn't have the time. He'd been signed with a relatively big entertainment company within a week of his graduation, since they had scouted students from their grades and final pieces. As happy as Chan was when he found out that Jihoon had managed to get exactly where he wanted in life - an example of the idea that hard work and effort paid off - he couldn't help but feel his heart breaking on their last day together.

"Promise me you'll come and visit sometimes?" Chan couldn't help but tear up. He could pretend all he wanted that he was an adult too, but he was hardly ready for the adult world. Pretending to be an adult as a teenager with few responsibilities was one thing, but being an adult as a university student who had to take responsibility for himself was a completely different story. He couldn't help but feel intimidated. It was scary to know that he'd be on his own. It was terrifying to know that he would have no one there by his side to help along the way. It was more than just the cooking; this was about the familiarity of his life being stripped away all in one go. It was the life he was comfortable with disappearing in front of his eyes, and the inability to reach out and hold it in his hands as it slowly slipped away.

Of course, Jihoon knew exactly how it felt to have that bit of normality stripped away. He'd not only done that, but he was also pushed through it faster than he's anticipated, which made it that little bit harder. As much as his parents tried to understand his experience, they had been out of education for so long that they couldn't remember that experience to the same magnitude as Jihoon did. On top of that, they'd married and had a child and moved into a house together; that was a completely different experience that Chan was hoping to avoid for as long as possible still.

The result was that Jihoon provided all of the support that Chan should have had from a number of different sources. It was great to have him so close still but at the same time, it only served to make the crush on him worse as time went on. There was something inherently difficult to cope with when Jihoon started to visit him on weekends and spend time in his university dorm with him, and whenever Chan was in a position in which he was lonely or emotionally unstable, Jihoon would visit him in the evenings too. There were no questions asked for the most part; as long as Chan needed someone during his first year of university, Jihoon would be there for him. Heck, he even offered to help with the cooking. Whilst a lot of it was catered, there was still space for the students to cook their own food if they wanted it, so Jihoon was more than happy to go in and help.

That was something they had to keep hidden from Jihoon's parents, though. They had insisted that their son grow up in the space of a few weeks and suddenly go from not being able to look after himself to being completely independent. It wasn't going to happen. It just wasn't going to get Chan anywhere. If anything, the pressure to grow up so quickly would cause more harm than good, and he would end up destroying everything in his path. As a result, Jihoon wasn't going to let him be in that position. He arrived at the dorm armed with mug recipes and a book of simple late night snack recipes, just so that Chan would have something to work with. They marked out his favourites together, and then Jihoon made sure to show him how to make each dish before he did it on his own. That helped him with his confidence in the kitchen, and reduced the initial fear that he would end up making a complete mess. It was something that Chan appreciated more than he could even describe in words, and it was definitely beneficial.

Of course, though, their sweet little bubble could only last for so long before something changed. That 'something' was Jihoon finally meeting someone who he wanted to pursue a relationship with. They had met through work; the man - not woman - he'd connected with was a choreographer there, and was just a few years older than him. They were told that they would be working closely and that it would therefore be a good idea to spend some time getting to know each other, and so that had involved planning to go for dinner together. Naturally, it had ended up with them clicking well in the end too, since they both knew that that was what they wanted to do in life, and so their drive for the industry was the same. Except it had also ended up going that little bit further on top of that. They had clicked so much that they ended up going home together, and Jihoon ended up staying for the night. It was mutually decided that they would start a romantic relationship after that incident, and so they were officially seeing each other.

It was something that Chan hadn't found out for quite a while. Jihoon told him that he didn't want to make it about himself when he was going to visit his junior in his dorm, but it was something that he needed to know eventually. It meant that sometimes he might not be able to drop everything to spend time with Chan, and he would have to simply wait until the following day instead. He would try to text where he could, but obviously it would be a bit difficult to do so if they were on a date. There were a number of factors to consider now which would determine whether or not they would be able to spend time together, but he would still do his best. After all, Chan was there first and he wasn't prepared to drop everything that they had built for some boy. By that point, they were close enough to being best friends, and that wasn't what best friends did.

Nevertheless, Chan felt betrayed. As soon as he found out, he could feel the tingle of embarrassment starting to emerge behind his ears. He could feel the disappointment worming its way through his stomach too. And then sadness, anger, envy, heartbreak, and a strange sense of worthlessness. The cocktail of emotions left him in a complete state in his mind, although he tried his hardest to act as if it wasn't a big deal to him. In fact, he tried to seem happy for Jihoon, if anything, and then asked a few questions just to prove how happy he was. He didn't listen to the answers, obviously, but it was the thought that count. The thought that Jihoon obviously hadn't put in for his well-being and emotional soundness when he decided to start a relationship with a guy from work, knowing full well that Chan needed him that year.

Yet, Chan wasn't really the sort of guy who would be able to start an argument over that sort of thing. Deep down, he knew that he should be happy if Jihoon was happy, but he just couldn't bring himself to accept the fact that he wouldn't be able to have him to himself. The crush only developed further now that Jihoon was even more untouchable, and Chan simply tried to force his feelings of worthlessness to the back of his mind whenever they were together.

In a strange sort of way, though, it felt as if Jihoon knew that Chan had feelings for him. He made sure to avoid mentioning his boyfriend too much, unless it was vital to the conversation, and he didn't answer texts whilst they were together. Calls were slightly different, since he'd told his family and friends to only call him if it was an emergency and so they both knew that something serious was happening if his phone did ring, but overall he seemed to be taking Chan's feelings into consideration a lot more than necessary. After all, he was under no obligation to pretend that his own boyfriend didn't exist, and Chan could hardly tell him to stop talking about the guy when he and Jihoon's boyfriend were the only two people to really see him nowadays. It made sense that he would talk about him, but he just didn't mention him much at all.

It gave Chan some hope. Perhaps it was an acknowledgement of the fact that they were meant to be together. They had bonded. They had spent hours cuddled up together as they worked on projects. It wasn't awkward or weird to sit in silence with Jihoon. His parents had insisted that the babysitter be at their house almost every night, and every single meal that Jihoon made was made with love. It wasn't simply nutritionally balanced as his parents had requested, but there were other things taken into consideration too. From the sogginess of the bread in his sandwiches to the ratio of sauce to fries, to the number of eggs or amount of sugar in his rice. He would get the right amount of fruit and the perfect mix of food groups every time Jihoon made him something to eat. It had even continued when he moved to university and Jihoon was helping him to make basic meals. He described the amount of each ingredient that Chan would need in order to make the perfect meal, and when he followed those instructions, he got where he needed to be.

Hell, his entire relationship with Jihoon was admirable. But the babysitter had chosen someone else to snatch his heart and treat him to love and dates and little kisses, and probably a lot more in the end. Chan didn't want to think about that sort of thing. He hoped more than anything that Jihoon's boyfriend was just a fill-in whilst he waited for Chan to mature a bit more. Perhaps when he was out of university, Jihoon would dump his boyfriend and get with him instead. He would realise that they were meant to be together - or maybe simply acknowledge that fact - and then they would end up doing all of the things that Chan didn't want to think about him doing with his current boyfriend. A huge engagement celebration. A wedding where all of their family and friends were invited. Adopting a couple of children together. Spending evenings curled up on the sofa as they watch old films together and feed each other chocolate. Tumbling into bed each night, where they would spend a romantic few minutes simply kissing each other on the lips before they eventually figured that it was time to get some sleep. It was a dream, but it was the reality that Chan needed.

So he started out by trying to move on. He wanted to find someone who would ultimately make Jihoon jealous. He wanted to show him that they were supposed to be together and they would make a better couple if they were together than if they were seeing other people. It was going to be great; it would go to show that they were made for each other, especially if Chan was spending more time with his new girlfriend than anyone else. He took the plunge, going straight for a girl in the third year of her degree. She was almost Jihoon's age, but she accepted the proposal to go on a date with Chan when he made a special effort to act mature. His true feelings were kept a secret as he tried his hardest to be the best boyfriend possible, and then he made a special point of bragging to Jihoon about her too.

Thankfully, his face dropped when he heard that Chan was seeing someone else. It was the greatest moment in Chan's life; it went to show that they were supposed to be together and his old babysitter acknowledged that. If he didn't feel the same way for him, he probably wouldn't have reacted in such a way. So he made sure to spend as much time away from Jihoon as possible before inviting him over. "My girlfriend wants me to take her out tonight, though," he pointed out as soon as Jihoon arrived at his dorm, "So we'll only be able to spend a couple of hours together."

It was an absolute dream when Jihoon got irritable with him over that. "Why did you invite me over when you'll be spending time with her instead? Why not just wait for a day where we're both completely free?" he asked, obviously trying his hardest not to seem too dry as he spoke. Chan had to force back a smile.  
"I just thought that maybe you would like to see me for a few hours. And I wanted to see you too. I've missed you."

Diffused. Jihoon's irritation suddenly dropped as he stared at Chan. Chan stared back with a warmth that they didn't often use with each other. It was fuelled by appreciation and admiration. He wanted to lean over and kiss Jihoon gently on the lips to show him exactly how he meant it, but it felt alien and almost cliche. He knew that Jihoon would shy away from the contact, whether he wanted to kiss him or not, since he was the sort of guy who was very against cheating.

And so Chan was left to simply hint it. When Jihoon stood up to leave, he hugged him tightly, and then pulled away slightly so that he could look into his eyes before they moved too far apart. His eyes darted down to Jihoon's lips for a moment before he licked his own, and Jihoon obviously noticed as his eyes darted down too. For a few seconds, they stood there in each other's arms, not really knowing how to take it, but then Chan moved away and wished him a good night. He could see the flash of disappointment and confusion on his babysitter's face as he made his way towards the door and left.

Chan's heart was left thudding hard in his chest as soon as Jihoon left. He flopped straight back down on his bed and pressed his hands over his face as he tried to ground himself. Considering that he hated Jihoon to start with, he'd ended up in a complete mess over him now. That was worse than the crush itself and the faked confidence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't been adding end notes much lately but I'd just like to point out that we're moving onto mature fics in this series next, starting back with JeongCheol and a grieving-themed fic
> 
> Thank you for reading!! <3

**Author's Note:**

> I'm doing it again  
> More fics  
> Granted, it's the last fic from the T-rating Unfavourable, although there are a few M ones on the way in the future too, so there's that to look forward to!!
> 
> Thank you for your patience with getting this one out!!!!! <3
> 
> Edit: Please don't try the toaster thing - you'll almost certainly set your toaster on fire (this has been tried and tested)


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